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A Redneck Valentine

Posted on Mar-28-2008· by

A Redneck Valentine

Kudzu is green
M my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky
To have a sweet thing like you
Yore hair is like corn silk
A-flap抯 in the breeze
Softer than Blue’s
And without all them flees
You move like the bass
Which excite me in May
You isn抰 got no scales
But I lug you anyway
You抮e as graceful as okay
Jest a-dancing’ in the pan
You抮e as fragrant as Sun Drop
Right out of the can
You have all yore teeth
For which I am proud
I hold my head high
When we’re in a crowd
On special occasions
When you shave yore armpits
Well, I’m in haw heaven
I’m plumb outtalk my wits
Still them fellers at work
They all want to know
What I did to deserve
Such a party, young doe
Like a good roll of duct tape
You抮e there far yore man
To patch up life’s troubles
And stick ‘me in the can
You抮e as strong as a four-wheeler
Racine’ through the mud
Yet fragile as that singer
Named Naomi Judd
You抮e as cute as a June bug
A-buzzing’ overhead
You isn抰 mean like no fire ant
Upon which I oft’ tread
Cut from the best pattern
Like a flannel shirt of plaid
You sparked up my life
Like a Rattletrap shad
When you hold me real tight
Like a padded gun rack
My life is complete
Isn抰 nut tin’ I lack
Yore complexion is perfection
Like the best vinyl siding’
Despite all the years
Yore age it keeps hiding’
And when you get old
Like a ’57 Chevy
Won’t put you on blocks
And let grass grow up heavy
Me ‘n’ you抎 like a Moon Pie
With a RC cold drank
We go together
Like a skunk goes with stank
Some men they buy chocolate
For Valentine’s Day
They get it at Wal-Mart
It’s romantic that way
Some men get roses
On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger
“That’s impressive? I say
Some men buy fine diamonds
From a flea market booth
“Diamonds are forever”
They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey,
These will not do
For you are too special
You sweet thing you.
I got you a gift
Without taste nor odor
Better than diamonds
it’s a new trolling’ motor!

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