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Hicbonics
The Association of Southern Schools (A.S.S.) has decided to pursue some of the seemingly endless taxpayer dollars pipelined through Washington by designating Southern slang, or "Hickbonics," as a language to be taught in all Southern schools. A speaker of this language would be a Hickophone.The following are excerpts from the Hickbonics/English dictionary:HEIDI - (noun) -Greeting.HIRE YEW - Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting.Usage: Heidi, Hire yew?"BARD - (verb) - Past tense of the infinitive "to borrow."Usage: "My brother bard my pickup truck."JAWJUH - (noun) - The State north of Florida. Capitol is Lanner.Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."BAMMER- (noun) - The State west of Jawjuh. Capitol is Berminhayum.Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in improvements."MUNTS - (noun) - A calendar division.Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."THANK - (verb) - Ability to cognitively process.Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."BARE - (noun) - An alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."IGNERT - (adjective) - Not smart. See "Arkansas native."Usage: "Them bammer boys sure are ignert"RANCH - (noun) - A tool used for tight'nin' bolts.Usage: "I thank I left my ranch in the back of that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."ALL - (noun) - A petroleum-based lubricant.Usage: "I sure hope my brother from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."FAR - (noun) - A conflagration.Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that thing's gonna catch far."TAR - (noun) - A rubber wheel.Usage: "Gee, I hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh don't git a flat tar in my pickup truck."TIRE - (noun) - A tall monument.Usage: "Lord willin' and the creek don't rise, I sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."RETARD - (verb) - To stop working.Usage: "My grampaw retard at age 65."FAT - (noun), (verb) - a battle or combat; to engage in battle or combat.Usage: "You younguns keep fat'n, n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh."RATS - (noun) - Entitled power or privilege.Usage: "We Southerners are willin' to fat for are rats."FARN - (adjective) - Not domestic.Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...must be from some farn country."DID - (adjective) - Not alive.Usage: "He's did, Jim."EAR - (noun) - A colourless, odourless gas: Oxygen.Usage: "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear"BOB WAR - (noun) - A sharp, twisted cable.Usage: "Boy, stay away from that bob war fence."JEW HERE - (noun) and (verb) contraction.Usage: "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"HAZE - a contraction.Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Nah...haze ignert. He ain't thanked but a minnit'n 'is laf."SEED - (verb) - past tense of "to see".VIEW - contraction: (verb) and pronoun.Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City... view?"GUBMINT - (noun) - A bureaucratic institution.Usage: "Them gubmint boys shore is ignert."