Archive for the ‘workplace jokes’ Category

this is the best work

Queensland Tourism Bureau provide a best job in the world :a administrator who engage in managing Hamilton Island  and a few neighboring islands . In addition to the high salary £ 70,000 per year , the administrator can also own a comfortable villa on the island . but his work is as little as everybody can complete in 12 hours , that means he can enjoy the beach and wave for 19 days leisurely, I think,maybe this is the  happiest work in the world.

Palin and fake French president

Saturday ,Sarah Palin took a prank call from “French President Nicolas Sarkozy”. “Sarkozy” told Palin she will become a good president, “Maybe in eight years,” replies a laughing Palin,then “Sarkozy” told Palin his favorite pastimes is hunting! “I just love killing those animals. Mmm, mmm, take away life, that is so fun,”,he said.Do you know what’s Palin’s reply?

“Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together while we’re getting work done,” Palin counters. “We can kill two birds with one stone that way.” “I’ll be a careful shot.”
“you can actually see Russia from land here in Alaska,” fake French president tells her: “You know we have a lot in common also, because … from my house I can see Belgium.”

Palin replies:”Well, see, we’re right next door to different countries that we all need to be working with, yes.”

Then Palin praises Sarkozy’s wife Carla Bruni:”You know, I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally and your beautiful wife,” she said. “Oh my goodness, you’ve added a lot of energy to your country with that beautiful family of yours.”

The fake Sarkozy told Palin his wife is “so hot in bed”.(My god!),and Bruni has written a song for Palin– “Du rouge a levres sur une cochonne” –it is “Lipstick on a Pig” in English.

Then,the fake French president begin try to create big news: “We have the equivalent of Joe the Plumber in France. It’s called Marcel, the guy with bread under his armpit.”,and he like the documentary made about her and referred to a pornographic film with a Palin look-alike made by Hustler founder Larry Flynt!

So guess what the Alaska governor reply? “Ohh, good, thank you, yes.”

Now,game is over,the fake French president told Palin this is a prank phone and he is working for a canada radio station.

“Ohhh, have we been pranked?”,Palin ends the call.

My god,this world full of fake and cheat.

I want to be in the Bahamas

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says,”I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of story: always let your boss have the first say.

An Ugly Green Suit

A man who isn’t qualified keeps pestering this tailor about giving him a job selling suits. Finally, the owner tells him if he can sell this one green suit he will give him a job.

Another employee points out to owner that they have had that suit on the rack for four years, and that it is such an ugly, green suit that nobody would ever buy it.

The owner replies, “Yeah, I know. That’s my way of getting rid of that pest!”

Two hours later the new guy calls his boss for his next assignment.

The owner cannot believe it and heads down to the store to see how this fellow did it. Upon arrival he sees his new salesman bleeding, scratched, and his clothes torn in several places, but smiling.

“Congratulations, the job is yours! Nobody has come close to selling that old, ugly, green suit.

But tell me, what in the world happened to you?”

“Well, replied the salesman, the guy that bought the suit loved it… said it fit him great.

As far as my injuries go, he had this really sensitive seeing-eye dog!”

Work Accident

Merv was in a terrible accident at work. He fell through a floor tile and ripped off both of his ears. Since he was permanently disfigured, he settled with the company for a rather large sum of money and went on his way.

One day, Merv decided to invest his money in a small, but growing telecom business called Plexus Communications. After weeks of negotiations, he bought the company outright. But, after signing on the doted line he realized that he knew nothing about running such a business and quickly set out to hire someone who could do that for him.

The next day he had set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very interesting. At the end of the interview, Merv asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me?” And the gentleman answered, “Why yes, I couldn’t help but notice you have no ears.”

Merv got very angry and threw him out.

The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, “Do you notice anything different about me?” and she replied: “Well, you have no ears.”

Merv again was upset and tossed her out.

The third and last interview was the best of all three. It was with a very young man who was fresh out of college. He was smart. He was handsome and he seemed to be a better businessman than the first two put together. Merv was anxious, but went ahead and asked the young man the same question:

“Do you notice anything different about me?” And to his surprise, the young man answered: “Yes. You wear contact lenses.” Merv was shocked, and said, “What an incredibly observant young man. How in the world did you know that?”

The young man fell off his chair laughing hysterically and replied, “Well, it’s pretty damn hard to wear glasses with no ears!”

Funny Books: