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Hit by a Foo

A man decided to go for a hike in the mountains, but when he got to the beginning of the trail, he was confronted by an old Indian who told him, “There are birds up in the mountains called Foo’s and they love flying right into people, and it hurts like hell. But if any [...]

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Hot Helga

It was a hot day in Minnesota. Helga hung the wash, put a roast in the oven, then went downtown to pick up some dry-cleaning. ”Gutness, it’s hot,” she mused as she walked down Main Street. She passed by a tavern and thought, ”vy nodt?” Helga sat at thebar and the bartender asked her what [...]

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How to catch a Polar Bear

Well, first you cut a hole in the ice, then you place peas around the hole, then when the bear comes out to take a pea you kick him in the icehole!!

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How to lose your teaching job

Teacher: Okay class. Time for a pop quiz. Little Girl (7th grade) Oh. Your quizzes are hard.Teacher: (Playing with the word quiz) My little quizzees aren’t hard.Little Girl: If you’re quizzees aren’t hard, I hate to see your testees.

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HISTORY OF THE DAY

Opportunity's Selfie

NASA's Mars Rover Opportunity catches its own late-afternoon shadow in this dramatically lit view eastward across Endeavour Crater on Mars. The rover used the panoramic camera (Pancam) between about 4:30 and 5:00 p.m. local Mars time to record images taken through different filters and combined into this mosaic view. Most of the component images were recorded during the 2,888th Martian day, or sol, of Opportunity's work on Mars (March 9, 2012). At that time, Opportunity was spending low-solar-energy weeks of the Martian winter at the Greeley Haven outcrop on the Cape York segment of Endeavour's western rim. In order to give the mosaic a rectangular aspect, some small parts of the edges of the mosaic and sky were filled in with parts of an image acquired earlier as part of a 360-degree panorama from the same location. Opportunity has been studying the western rim of Endeavour Crater since arriving there in August 2011. This crater spans 14 miles (22 kilometers) in diameter, or about the same area as the city of Seattle. This is more than 20 times wider than Victoria Crater, the largest impact crater that Opportunity had previously examined. The interior basin of Endeavour is in the upper half of this view. The mosaic combines about a dozen images taken through Pancam filters centered on wavelengths of 753 nanometers (near infrared), 535 nanometers (green) and 432 nanometers (violet). The view is presented in false color to make some differences between materials easier to see, such as the dark sandy ripples and dunes on the crater's distant floor. Image credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/Cornell/Arizona State Univ.
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Hit by a Foo

Hot Helga

How to catch a Polar Bear

How to lose your teaching job

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HISTORY OF THE DAY