Archive for the ‘others’ Category

Smurf and Turf

Smurf and Turf
Why do the surfs laugh when they frolic through the forest? Because the grass tickles their balls!

Skeleton Crossing the Road

Skeleton Crossing the Road
Why’d the skeleton cross the road? To go to the body shop.

The Pirate

The Pirate
A man with a pegleg, hook hand and an eye patch went to apply to be a pirate. Interviewer: How did you get that peg leg? Pirate: Arrr. I got me leg shot off during the First World War. Interviewer: How did you get that hook? Pirate: I got me hand cut off by a big knife. Interviewer: What about your eye patch? Pirate: It was a rainy afternoon and I looked up into the sky and a bird crapped in me eye. Interviewer: And that put your eye out? Pirate: No, it was the day after I got me hooks.

What’s Rough and Hairy?

What’s Rough and Hairy?
Q: What’s rough and hairy on the outside, soft and wet on the inside, starts with a c, ends with a t, and has a u and an n in it?A: A coconut.

Suburbs vs. Ghetto

Suburbs vs. Ghetto
In the suburbs, there’s grass. In the ghetto, there’s grass grower. * In the suburbs, there’s ”corner stores.” In the ghetto, there are liquor stores, bail bonds, weed, and lottery numbers in one building.* In the suburbs, there’s microbrews. In the ghetto, there’s 40 ounces.* In the suburbs, there’s homemade acid. In the ghetto, there’s ”sizurp.” * in the suburbs, the ice cream man sells just ice cream. In the ghetto, he sells ice cream, chips, drinks, candy, and crack, weed and mix tapes. * In the suburbs, there’s a response to a 911 call. ‘Nuff said. * In the suburbs, there are neighborhood parks. In the ghetto, there are corners.* In the suburbs, there are lifestyles of the rich and famous. In the ghetto, there are lifestyles of the broke and pissed off.* In the suburbs, there’s Rover, Spot, etc. In the ghetto, there’s Butch, Killa, Boo….* in suburban schools, teachers are fired. In ghetto schools, teachers quit. * In the suburbs, kids wear red, white or blue because they ”just like the color.” In the ghetto, kids wear red white or blue ”cuz that’z what I claim.’* In the suburbs, kids come home with candy. In the ghetto, kids come home with candy, coke can tops, crack pipes, etc.* in the suburbs, you pop firecrackers on the 4th of July. In the ghetto, you pop firecrackers from the end of school until Halloween. * In the suburbs, you have ”Honey I’m home” in the ghetto, you have 憫who was that came in the doe’?!” * In the suburbs, dad’s oldies are the Beatles, John Denver, etc. In the suburbs, dad’s oldies are George Clinton, Zapp and Roger and the O’Jays–until they were stolen. * In the suburbs, teenage bands consist of drums, bass, regular guitar, and the main vocalist. In the ghetto, teenage ”bands” consists of a table, a hairbrush and 15 or 20 dudes standing around taking turns freestyle’.* In the suburbs, cable consists of 100 regular channels, and all the premium and pay-per-view channels In the ghetto, you have cable running from next door, 60 out of the 100 channels show up, and the others need a clothes hanger and some aluminum foil to show up halfway decent. * In the suburbs, dad keeps his gun hid in a closet, and breaks it out during hunting season. In the ghetto, you got to pack the steel everywhere you go. * In the suburbs, you have community watch service. In the ghetto, you just have the community watch signs, spray-painted over.* In the suburbs, you have bandanas in the ghetto, you have ”rags.” * in the suburbs, you wear your jewelry. In the ghetto, you ”floss yo’ ice.”* In the suburbs, if your lights are cut off, you use candles. * In the ghetto, you take your lamp and 2 or 3 extension cords and use the next-door neighbor’s power. * In the suburbs, potholes are in the middle of street. In the ghetto, Michelob bottles, and cigarette butts are in the middle of street.