Comedian Jokes | Make Fun

Archive for the ‘Comedian Jokes’ Category

Protesting

I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it. -Mitch Hedberg

An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an “Escalator temporarily out of order” sign, just “Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience.” -Mitch Hedberg

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Environment

The EPA is conducting a $700,000 dollar study to see if Alaskan trees are polluting Oregon forests. You can tell Republicans are in power. “Pollution? It’s those damn trees.” Jay Leno

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THe guy who invented the hokey pokey’s funeral

eariler this week i went to the guy who inveted the hokey pokey’s funeral. It was a weird funeral. First they put his left leg in,then took his left leg out,they put his left leg in and they shaked it all about.Then they put his right leg in and then his right leg out,they put [...]

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Random Jokes

Not Enough Moaning

Morris came home and found his wife Sadie crying.
She said, "I found out from Mrs. Goldberg that you''re having
an affair with your secretary. Why would you do that to me?
I''ve always been a good wife. I''ve cooked for you, raised
your children, and have always been by your side for 35
years. What haven''t I done to make you happy?"
Morris replied, "It''s true, Sadie, you''ve been the best
wife a man could hope for. You make me happy in all ways but
one. You never moan when we have sex."
Sadie said, "If I moaned when we have sex, would you stop
running around? All right, come to the bedroom so I can show
you that I can moan during sex."
They went to the bedroom, got undressed, and jumped into
bed.
As they started kissing, Sadie said, "Now, Morris? Should I
moan now?"
He said, "No, not yet."
He started to fondle her and she said, "What about now?
Should I moan now?"
He said, "No, I''ll tell you when."
He climbed on top of her and started to move on her.
She said, "Is it time for me to moan now, Morris?"
He said, "Wait, wait, I''ll tell you when."
A few minutes later, just seconds before he was going to
finish, he said "Now, Sadie. Moan! Moan!"
She said, "Oy, you wouldn''t believe what a day I had..."

HISTORY OF THE DAY

Opportunity's Selfie

NASA's Mars Rover Opportunity catches its own late-afternoon shadow in this dramatically lit view eastward across Endeavour Crater on Mars. The rover used the panoramic camera (Pancam) between about 4:30 and 5:00 p.m. local Mars time to record images taken through different filters and combined into this mosaic view. Most of the component images were recorded during the 2,888th Martian day, or sol, of Opportunity's work on Mars (March 9, 2012). At that time, Opportunity was spending low-solar-energy weeks of the Martian winter at the Greeley Haven outcrop on the Cape York segment of Endeavour's western rim. In order to give the mosaic a rectangular aspect, some small parts of the edges of the mosaic and sky were filled in with parts of an image acquired earlier as part of a 360-degree panorama from the same location. Opportunity has been studying the western rim of Endeavour Crater since arriving there in August 2011. This crater spans 14 miles (22 kilometers) in diameter, or about the same area as the city of Seattle. This is more than 20 times wider than Victoria Crater, the largest impact crater that Opportunity had previously examined. The interior basin of Endeavour is in the upper half of this view. The mosaic combines about a dozen images taken through Pancam filters centered on wavelengths of 753 nanometers (near infrared), 535 nanometers (green) and 432 nanometers (violet). The view is presented in false color to make some differences between materials easier to see, such as the dark sandy ripples and dunes on the crater's distant floor. Image credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/Cornell/Arizona State Univ.
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Protesting

Escalators

Environment

THe guy who invented the hokey pokey’s funeral

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Random Jokes

HISTORY OF THE DAY