Archive for the ‘Clean Jokes’ Category

Blonde Car Accident Joke

One day, while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck.

The truck’s driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.

He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leave the circle.

Furious, he went over to her car and slashed the tires.

The blonde started laughing.

This made the man angrier so he smashed her windshield.

This time the blonde laughed even harder.

Livid, the man broke all her windows and keyed her car.

The blonde is now laughing hysterically, so the truck driver asks her what’s so funny.

The blonde giggles and replies, “When you weren’t looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!”

I hit a pig

The foreman was just wondering why one of his men was so late getting back from making a delivery, when the phone rang.
“Sorry boss,” said the man. “I had a bit of an accident on the way back, I hit a pig.”
“Well,just put it on the side of the road and we’ll pick it up later.”
“But boss, it’s not dead. It just keeps squealing.”
“Okay, get the rifle from the back of the truck and put it out of its misery. Then throw it in the ditch until later.”
Five minutes later,the phone rang again.
“Boss, it’s me. I’m still here.”
“Why? Did you do what I said!?”
“Yes, I shot the pig and put it in the ditch, but his motorbike is still stuck under my truck!”

it’s mine

A guy dressed in pyjamas went up to the hotel,asked for the key to room 404.
“I’m sorry, sir, the room’s taken,” came the reply.
“I know” replied theguy “it’s mine. I just fell out of the window!”

The Wisdom Of Children

The Wisdom Of Children:

When a man is married to one woman it is called monotony

Spaghetti is thrown on people at weddings

A senator is half horse, half man

An optimist is a doctor who treats your eyes

Philatelists were a race of people who lived in biblical times

An epistle is the wife of an apostle

When letters are in sloping type, they are in histerics

The feminine of bachelor is lady-in-waiting

Baboons live in an apiary

A myth is a female moth

A fjord is a Scandinavian car

The people of Japan ride about in jigsaws

The eastern part of Asia ia called Euthanasia

People go about Venice in gorgonzolas

The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitos

Most of the houses in France are made of plaster of Paris

A virgin forest is a forest where the hand of man has never set foot

The climate is hottest next to the Creator

Floods of the Mississippi River may be prevented by putting big dames in the river

The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Ancient Egypt was inhabited my mummies and they all wrote in hydrolics

And Sir Francis Drake said: “Let the Armada wait. My bowls can’t.”

The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is in the east and the sun sets in the west

Homer wrote the Oddity

Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark

The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals

Joan of Ark was burnt to a steak

The Pope was inflammable

Christopher Columbus circumcised the world with forty-foot clippers

Just about any animal skin can be stretched over a frame to make a pleasant sound once the animal is removed

Most composers do not live until they are dead

Beethoven was so deaf he wroted loud music

Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died from this

A molecule is so small that it cannot be seen by the naked observer

the Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours

When you smell an orderless gas, it’s probably carbon monoxide

Hydrogin is made from gin and water

Marie Curie did her research at the Sore Buns institute in France

Reproduction is the life process by which an orgasm produces others ot its kind

Blood flows down one leg and up the other

They Said THIS In the Bible

•	The First Commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.
•	The Fifth Commandment is ‘Humor thy father and mother.’
•	The Seventh Commandment is ‘Thou shalt not admit adultery.’

•	Noah built an ark, which the animals came on to in pears.
•	Noah’s wife was called Joan of Ark.

•	Lot’s wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.
•	Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

•	Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.
•	The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still, and he obeyed him.
•	David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.
•	David fought with the Philatelists, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.
•	Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

•	The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.
•	The epistles were the wives of the apostles.
•	St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.
•	Paul preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.
•	In some religions a man can have many wives, and this is called polygamy. In our religion a man can have one wife, and this is called monotony.