Archive for the ‘celebrity jokes’ Category
Lost Daughter
Posted on Jan-31-2008 · by make fun ( make fun had published 6537 articles)
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McDonaldland Riddle
Posted on Jan-31-2008 · by make fun ( make fun had published 6537 articles)
How do you spot Ronald McDonald on a naked beach?
He’s the one with the sesame seed buns.
Mix and Match Movie Titles
Posted on Jan-31-2008 · by make fun ( make fun had published 6537 articles)
“American Beauty and the Beast”
The Beast has a midlife crisis and takes a job at a fast-food restaurant, while the Beauty has an affair with a real-estate tycoon.
“The Straight Love Story”
Ryan O’Neal tragically runs over Ali McGraw while mowing his lawn.
“That Girl, Interrupted”
Marlo Thomas goes to the nuthouse.
“The Talented Mr. Whipple”
An elderly toilet-paper spokes- man goes on a killing spree in Europe, murdering anyone who squeezes the Charmin.
“Soylent Green Mile”
Charlton Heston finds out what prison food is really made of.
“All About My Mummy”
Pedro Almodovar’s bittersweet saga about a 3,000-year-old mummy and his struggle to find love in the modern world.
“The Animal House Rules”
A group of frat boys, led by John Belushi, drink too much hard cider and open an abortion clinic, with predictably wacky results.
“Boys From Brazil Don’t Cry”
Gregory Peck clones Adolf Hitler, who fools all the other Nazis into thinking he’s a she, with predictably wacky results.
“Barefoot in South Park —
Bigger, Longer and Uncut”
A couple of young newlyweds meet Cartman, Kenny and the gang.
“With Sixth Sense You Get Eggroll”
A young boy is haunted by images of Doris Day movies.
“The Remains of the Day of the Jackal”
A formal English butler puts his loyalty to his employer above all else, until he is persuaded to join a plot to assaschinainvestorte Charles de Gaulle.
“Singing in the Black Rain”
A gang of vicious Japanese druglords beat the crap out of Gene Kelly.
“A Few Good Mallrats”
Jack Nicholson, having been drummed out of the Marines, is now working as a mall security guard. “You want me in that mall, you need me in that mall!”
“Paradise Lost in Space”
Satan is sentenced to spend eternity in a flying saucer with a goofy robot, an evil scientist and two annoying children.
Monkey Business
Posted on Jan-31-2008 · by make fun ( make fun had published 6537 articles)
(Written by Michael Wilson for the Oregonian, Sunday, July 29th, 2001)
Let’s say you’re an ape. You’re hanging out, you’ve got cool boots with individual toes. Ape City swings. Your job keeps you in torches and horse food. your wife looks good in green, which is a bit of luck, since that’s all the women wear.
You lips move funny when you talk, but whatever.
Then this… this THING shows up. he’s like an ape, but not quite. He’s practically hairless. Does he shave his body? Creepy freak.
Then he opens his mouth and speaks. And he sounds just like Charlton Heston. And he won’t shut up. And that voice. And sorry, but you can’t deal with that today. He calls you names. he goes off on your stinking paws.” He disrespects your leather.
So you bounce his scrawny head off some walls. you clamp a collar on him and lean him around town. You and your boys put the fire hose on his non-hairy self.
Where, exactly, is the problem here? No, seriously. If Charlton Heston came up to you, right now, in your house while you’re reading this at your computer and started rasping with his teeth clenched together about “this-upside-down-civilization” you’d slap his narrow backside into a cage, too. Beat it, gun boy. Tell ‘em “Hi” at the Statue of Liberty.
All I’m saying is no one ever looks at this from the ape’s point of view…
More Hollywood Sequels
Posted on Jan-31-2008 · by make fun ( make fun had published 6537 articles)
*”Being John McEnroe”
People line up to see what’s it’s like to be an immature tennis star who gets dumped by Tatum O’Neal. Followed by yet another sequel: “Being John Mellencamp.”
*”Tricentennial Man”
Robin Williams plays a robot who cries so much he rusts himself stiff.
*”Double Jeopardy 2″
Ashley Judd is framed for the murder of Alex Trebek. Co-stars Tommy Lee Jones as Pat Sajak.
*”The Milk-Bone Collector”
Denzel Washington plays a quadriplegic mailman trying to catch a psychotic dog who is terrorizing U.S. postal workers.
*”Bringing Out the Dead II”
A documentary on Al Gore and Bill Bradley’s campaign speeches.
*”The D.A.R.E.
Witch Project” Three drug-abuse counselors vanish in the Maryland woods while trying to do an intervention with a heroin- addicted witch. It cost a mere $12.75 to make because it was filmed entirely by squirrels on
amphetamines.
*”Saving Private Ryan Again”
Hapless Ryan returns home from the war but continues to find himself in one jam after another. In the graphic opening sequence, he locks himself out of his car and has to be rescued by a AAA driver played by Tom Hanks.
*”End of Days II”
Pat Buchanan is elected president.
*”The Sixth Sense II”
Starring Marlon Brando. “I see fat people.”
