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A Blonde At Western Union

A blonde goes to the Western Union office and says, “I just have to get an urgent message to my mother in Europe.” The clerk says it will be $100, and she replies “But I don’t have that much money, and I must get a message to her, it’s urgent! I’ll do anything to get [...]

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Dear Alcohol

First let me say that I’m a huge fan of yours. As my friend, you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a beer at the game, and you’re even around at the holidays (hidden inside chocolates as you warm us when we’re stuck in the midst of endless family gatherings). [...]

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Ventriloquist On Blonde Jokes

A young, successful ventriloquist is on tour and stops in a small town to perform at a club. He’s going through his usual run of stupid , when a big blonde woman from the third row stands on her chair and screams: “I’ve had just about enough of your degrading blonde jokes. What makes you [...]

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I Once Knew A Blonde

What do you get when you mix a joke with a joke? Well, as long as you’re not blonde or a momma you get, dun dun?dun, I Once Knew A Blonde… She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats. She asked for a price check at the Dollar Store. She tried to put M&M’s [...]

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Random Jokes

New Secretary

The manager hired a new secretary. She was young, sweet, and polite.

One day while taking dictation, she noticed his fly was open. While leaving the room, she courteously said, "Oh sir, did you know that your barracks door was open." He did not understand her remark, but later on happened to look down and saw that his zipper was open.

He decided to have some fun with his new employee. Calling her in, he asked, "By the way, Miss Jones, when you saw my barracks door open this morning, did you also see a soldier standing at attention?"

The secretary, who was quite witty, replied, "Why, no sir, all I saw was a little disabled veteran, sitting on two duffel bags!"

HISTORY OF THE DAY

Opportunity's Selfie

NASA's Mars Rover Opportunity catches its own late-afternoon shadow in this dramatically lit view eastward across Endeavour Crater on Mars. The rover used the panoramic camera (Pancam) between about 4:30 and 5:00 p.m. local Mars time to record images taken through different filters and combined into this mosaic view. Most of the component images were recorded during the 2,888th Martian day, or sol, of Opportunity's work on Mars (March 9, 2012). At that time, Opportunity was spending low-solar-energy weeks of the Martian winter at the Greeley Haven outcrop on the Cape York segment of Endeavour's western rim. In order to give the mosaic a rectangular aspect, some small parts of the edges of the mosaic and sky were filled in with parts of an image acquired earlier as part of a 360-degree panorama from the same location. Opportunity has been studying the western rim of Endeavour Crater since arriving there in August 2011. This crater spans 14 miles (22 kilometers) in diameter, or about the same area as the city of Seattle. This is more than 20 times wider than Victoria Crater, the largest impact crater that Opportunity had previously examined. The interior basin of Endeavour is in the upper half of this view. The mosaic combines about a dozen images taken through Pancam filters centered on wavelengths of 753 nanometers (near infrared), 535 nanometers (green) and 432 nanometers (violet). The view is presented in false color to make some differences between materials easier to see, such as the dark sandy ripples and dunes on the crater's distant floor. Image credit: NASA/JPL-Caltech/Cornell/Arizona State Univ.
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A Blonde At Western Union

Dear Alcohol

Ventriloquist On Blonde Jokes

I Once Knew A Blonde

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Random Jokes

HISTORY OF THE DAY